1.) The stock market will continue to go up, up, up. Driving
this will be the simple fact that the rich are getting richer.
As the gap between rich and poor continues to widen, this will be
reflected in the rich man's haven for funds, Wall Street.
Corporate yes-man Bill Clinton, totally at the mercy of the
corporados (due to a Fibber McGee closet full of skeletons) will
dance to their tune. Look for the yet relatively untapped
privatization bonanza (a la Mexico) to pump New York's financial
machine chock full of money to play with. How about privatizing
social security, huh? Think how much mad money that will give
Of course, Wall Street is filled with shady characters. This
is one factor working against a rise in the stock market. Stock
market associates are among the shiftiest looking persons
imaginable... such as Alan Greenspan, for example. What's that
you say? Alan Greenspan is not associated with the stock market?
2.) Hillary Clinton will *not* be indicted in 1997. Kenneth
Starr has a nice job; do you think he'll want to take on the
extra burden of real work by indicting someone big like Hillary?
If he did, he'd have to take all kinds of heat and he'd have to
do the real work of prosecution. Why not just shuffle papers,
form committees to "look into the matter," and periodically send
out mysterious "insiders" to whisper in the ears of too-trusting
guerrilla journalists? Even this editor has been contacted by
one of these mysterious fellows, who urged a prompt secret
meeting at the Indiana border. "Why not just tell me over the
phone?" I asked. "Because you have the most tapped phone in
Champaign, Illinois," was the breathless reply. If I had gone to
the Indiana border meeting and received the so-called "sensitive
data," no doubt it would have *sotto* *voce* informed me that
lazybones Starr was about to get off his ass and *do* something.
Perhaps this "sensitive data" would have been handed to me by a
*mysterious* *stranger*, wearing a patch over one eye and a
trenchcoat! Hoo boy, Conspiracy Nation, have I got a hot story
Would the DEA actually risk winning the "War on Drugs" by
doing something like going after the big bankers? Hey, DEA is
not stupid. If they ever won the "War on Drugs" they'd be out of
a job. Will Kenneth Starr actually risk losing his present
peaceful past-time by really doing anything? Look for Starr to
finally release his "Special Report" (a la Iran-Contra's Walsh)
right about the year 2000. In it he will use phrases such as
"serious questions" and "grave concerns."
3.) Hillary Clinton will lose weight and resemble the
good-looking chick she was in 1992. Until now she has been
burdened with grief and sorrow over the death of her beloved
Vince Foster. Her grief had expressed itself by overeating, but
now the season of mourning has ended. And who can blame Hillary
for an affair with Vince Foster? Look at the guy she's married
to! Go ahead, Hillary, lose some weight and even find true love
once more! Go get 'em, Hillary!
4.) The American public will, by and large, continue to out-do
the ancient Romans in their gladiator worship. They will mostly
sit on the couch, eat, and watch endless football, baseball and
basketball on television. As long as their bellys are full, hey,
what do they care!? "Give them bread and circuses," nod the
Caesars of Washington, knowingly.
5.) There will be a major "terrorist" event, such as the
Oklahoma bombing. The corpse of the American body politic will
jump off its couch, galvanized, and twitch about, exclaiming that
it is "angry" and "concerned" and "something must be done." A
week later, the galvanized corpse will have settled back on the
sofa for more rah-rah endless sports entertainments.
6.) The major "news" media will continue to prop up Bill
Clinton, unless they are signalled to do otherwise by their
corporate owners. If Bill Clinton should attempt to do something
honest and decent, such as in any way favoring the interest of
working stiffs, look for the maajor "news" networks to suddenly
"discover" that there is something strange about the death of
Vince Foster. Get the message, Bill? Do like we tell you, or
else we'll actually report on you.
7.) Taxes will go up, but in hidden ways. Look for "safety
taxes," such as implemented by Illinois Governor Jim Edgar.
"Little Jim" raised fines for speeding from $75 to $150
overnight. It's not that he's raised your taxes, you see. It's
just that he is mightily concerned about your safety.
8.) The Pope, a.k.a. The Potato, will die in 1997. This Pope
is no longer young and sexy and must go. The Catholic Church
needs revenue enhancers, a.k.a. converts, and the current Potato
is no longer fulfilling super-salesman quotas for the Church. He
will not necessarily be assassinated exactly, but subtle
maneuvers will hasten his demise -- such as, not top-notch care
from his physicians or not the best food from his cooks. With
his dying breath, he will piously forgive Conspiracy Nation for
its "sins." The new Pope will get rid of that awful, tacky
"Pope-mobile," the auto used by the present Potato, and will
replace it with something a little more hep.
9.) Chicago will boom economically. With Bill Daley of the
infamous Chicago Daley political dynasty as Commerce Secretary,
Chicago politics has landed in that "Rome on the Potomac,"
Washington, D.C. You remember all of Sherman Skolnick's reports
on Chicago politics? Well if you thought corruption under Ron
Brown was bad, wait until you see what Ron Brown II can do.
First Arkansas machine politics came to that little town that
rules the world; now, look out: the Chicago machine has arrived
in Washington, D.C.
10.) Sherman Skolnick will continue to pursue stories on Jay
Rockefeller, a harmless Senator from West Virginia who has become
Skolnick's Professor Moriarty.