GET FREE SHIT BY (NOT) WORKING FOR THE PRESS

DIzzIE (Antikopyright 2007)

I’ve mentioned this little technique every now and then in several 
other texts, but thought it’d be fitting to devote a short textfile 
to it, so as to elucidate the matter a wee bit further. 

The heart of this hustle simply involves pretending to be a member 
of the press so as to gain free access to events (movie screenings and 
festivals, concerts, sporting events, amusement parks 
or/and get free goodies (books, movies, music, software/games, 
food, and whatever other merchandise you set your hungry little eyes 
on) sent to you in the mail. The level of preparation and the amount 
of credibility props you’ll need will vary depending on the prize 
you’re after, but the general framework will be more or less the same. 
So let’s first look at the general gear you might need, and then break 
it down into getting free goods and free admittance.

Variable List of Potential Credibility Props
~Official Letterhead [A simple logo of the mag you work for]
~Magazine Website [A dot com will look more believable than a Geocities 
account, much like an email matching the domain will look a touch better 
than, say, nrkeygrrrl88@hotmail.com...]
~Notepad [Just a plain pocket notepad to jot down all those ever-so-important 
details you’ll be reporting about ;)]
~Phone/Fax Number [j2.com, one among many such providers, offers a free voice 
mail box and fax reception service. Faxes can generally be sent from your 
local copy places like Kinko’s]
~Publication Masthead [the list of all the staff names/positions they hold at 
the magazine, with “your” name obviously being included]

Credibility props are used by you to convince your target that you do 
indeed work for “the press.” Remember that this is a general list that 
is certainly not applicable for all situations. Refer to the specific 
requirements for the target you’re going to be scamming. Remember, if 
any of these things seem like too much work to forge, you’ll only need 
to make them once, and can reuse them (with minor alterations) for all 
future reviewer scams. 

Free Goods
To use an example, let’s say you want a gratis copy of a certain new 
book that’s due out next month. To do so, you’ll need to request what’s 
called a ‘review copy’ (fancy, eh?). Browse the publisher’s website and 
find their specific protocol for requesting the copy. The standard 
procedure involves faxing your request on your magazine’s letterhead. 
The fax should be less than a page long and include the title of your 
book request (including ISBN), the address to which the book should be 
sent, and a brief blurb about your zine. If you can’t get to a fax machine, 
an alternative would be to either email them a PDF of your request 
(complete you’re your zine’s letterhead), or to send a snail mail request. 
Your letter should be in the standard full block formats, so as to keep 
it all professional-like and shit. 

As for the content, keep it brief and to the point: state what you want,
why you want it, and why it’ll behoove the target to send it to you 
(something along the lines of ‘our magazine has a wide readership we 
think is an ideal match for your product’ can work marginally better 
than ‘…or else I won’t give your children the antidote…’.

Remember to make sure that the so-called ‘target demographic’ of the 
magazine you work for matches the target customer base of the product 
you’re requesting. That is to say, if you’re writing to request some 
make-up, you’ll probably want to say you write for a beauty mag, whereas 
if you’re trying to score some kinky gadget or that hot new scat fetish 
DVD, you’ll obviously want to say you run a more ‘adult’ oriented zine ;). 

After you get the goods, you can go ahead and write up a cock 
slurping review and send it back to the folks who sent you the 
products, thereby greatly strengthening the chance that they’ll
 be willing to send you more shit later on. (Trust me, the 
 prolonged contact is worth the effort, a matter of not burning 
 your bridges, if you will).

Nota Bene: With regard to the website, toss up a simple layout 
that has a few sentences about your zine, contact/subscription 
information, and even a few ‘articles’ or back issues (you can 
find articles by just searching random sites online and plucking 
particularly well-written pieces that suit your theme). 

Also, change the actual URL of the zine with each month that you 
do the review scam, whilst saying something along the lines of 
‘unfortunately we couldn’t garner enough interest in the zine, 
and it has thus regretfully reached its premature ending’ on the 
old site. Then just update all of the dates on the new page. 

This is so that if one of your old hits decides to check up on 
the progress of your magazine, you’ll have an explanation ready 
(‘it shut down’), and won’t have to keep updating the old site 
every month or so with new content. Thus, if you send the link to 
a bunch of targets in August, with the link myweakasszine.com/myzine , 
that says something alone the lines of ‘Issue 1, Volume 1, August 2007’, 
when you try the same scam on a different target in October, the link you 
send should now be slightly different (e.g., myweakasszine.com/zine) and 
the date updated to ‘Issue 1, Volume 1, October 2007,’ all while the old 
URL now has the aforementioned defunct notice appended to it. On the other 
hand, you could just keep spitting out new issues and then keep the same 
URL... Again, I’m belabouring this step because it is necessary to avoid 
problems should an old hit browse the old site, and notice that the same
 mix of articles is now labeled as October instead of August, etc…

Free Admittance to Events
To gain free admittance into some event or location, you’ll generally 
need to contact the press/media relations personnel, and find out their 
specific protocols. These tend to vary from event to event (for instance, 
you’ll likely need a ‘press accreditation form’/‘letter of assignment’ if 
you’re crashing a film festival, or a ‘media registration form’ if it’s a music 
festival or whatnot). At any rate, browse the website of the specific event/locale 
you want to attend for free and find the pertinent info required for press
admittance. If you can’t find the info listed online, give them a call or 
drop ‘em an email requesting the fine point details. Once you find out the 
exact requirements, start working on meeting them (i.e., if a copy of one of 
‘your’ articles is requested, clip one out from a random—albeit not too 
popular!—paper/zine, and make your ‘credentials’ match the byline of the 
article). 

Remember that any requirements they throw at you can be 
forged/duplicated/manufactured with relative ease, and that 
the worst that’ll happen (unless you manage to royally fuck 
something up hardcore along the way) is you’ll get a response 
telling you to fuck off, in which case you’ll suck it up and 
pick a different event to try your luck at. 


Overall, the principle is the same for all reviewer scams: 
pick an item/location, learn the requirements needed to procure 
it for free in the name of the press, and then do your best to meet 
them all. Throughout the entire endeavor, keep up the mindset that 
you really are a reporter just out doing your job; if anyone’s the 
scammer, it’s the company that’s making you jump through all the 
flaming hoops to get your free shit. Don’t be too quick to dismiss 
the psych factors; if you’re not convinced that you are who you say 
you are, how the fuck do you expect to convince anyone else? And, sure, 
you probably won’t be getting screeners of blockbuster flicks any time 
soon, but the scam is good for the occasional freebie or two…or three…:)

Comments/flames to: xcon0 a/|t\ yahoo \do\/t c|o\\m. Or, for phone sex, dial 1-610-887-6072.