CLASSIC COMPILATION #2 – FREE MOVIES (at the theater)

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DIzzIE (antikopyright 2007)

This is the second textfile in a series that will put together classic
scams centered around a particular theme. Most, if not all, of the
content will not be ‘new;’ rather, these compilations are just attempts
to bring all existing methods of achieving the same goal into one place
for easy reference. Feel free to email me with any ideas you have that
weren’t included, and they’ll be added into subsequent versions of these
compilations.

What follows is a brief compendium of various existing methods you can use
to score some free (or hella cheap) admittance to a movie theater, as well
as a note or two about free snacks. As usual, don’t expect some of these
tactics to work in all theaters, but do expect all of them to work in at least
some locales.

Most of these scams will further best be done during peak hours
(say, Friday or Saturday nights) of operation.

~The Ticket Return. We all know that trying to return a ticket for a
refund after the movie is over is a daunting task, to say the least.
To get this method to work, just flip this baby on its head and return
the ticket before the movie begins. Purchase your ticket before the
film starts and go into the theater, allowing the clerk to tear the ticket,
as well as nodding at zir to establish recognition and eye contact.

A few minutes later, make your way back out into the lobby, and going past
the ticket taker, mumble something about going to grab your jacket from your
car, and that you’ll be right back. Go back out to the ticket counter where
you first bought your ticket, and present the clerk there with your ticket,
saying that you have a “family issue” or a “family emergency,” or any other
bullshit excuse and are thus unable to see the movie. If you have a cell phone,
you can use it as a credibility prop and start talking in an exasperated tone or
whatnot. As long as the movie hasn’t started, you’ll get your refund with no
questions asked (other than the reason). The next part will obviously work best
when there is a fairly substantial crowd at the ticket counter. Simply walk out
into the parking lot, then turn right around and walk back into the theater.

If there’s an alternate entrance you can use that, or simply don a new jacket
or hat and blend in with the crowd to gain re-entry when the ticket counter clerk
(the one who just handed you your refund) isn’t looking. Once you’re inside the
theater, go past the ticket taker mumbling that you were just going to get your
jacket, and who should by now remember you as you just told zir that you were going
for your jacket a few minutes ago. Thus, you now have entry back into the theater hall
showing the movie with the cash in your pocket and no need for a pesky ticket stub.

If you’re with a group of friends and not confident enough that you won’t be asked for
a stub upon your re-entry, you can still pull off a two-for-one deal by asking a friend
for zir stub, while you return yours and use the second one (your friend’s) to get back
into the theater, though this is typically an unnecessary precaution.

~The Theater Reviewer. A few days before you want to go to the movies, call up
your theater of choice and ask to speak to the manager. Proceed to explain that
your name is xxx, and you’re an Arts & Entertainment writer for the small, local
yyy magazine. Go on to explain how each month you do a review of a different theater
in the community, and how this month you’ve been assigned to do this particular theater.

Further explain that your editor requires you to call ahead and confirm the availability
of complimentary passes. The manager will ask for your name again, and then ask what
movie you’d like to see and on what day. Ze’ll then tell you to just tell the clerk
at the counter your name when you come by (with your name thus being added to the
much-coveted pass list). The manager might also tell you to tell the clerk that
you’re here to see the manager, who will then come down and greet you personally.

Shoot zir some bullshit questions about the theater (‘how many people come in here daily,’
‘how long has the theater been around,’ and so on…), and then say thanks and go into the
movie you picked. Remember, that you’re reviewing ‘the theater’ not a particular film,
thus foregoing the standard press screenings that members of the media usually attend.

As credibility props, you can bring a small notebook for notes, and a laminated press pass
. If you’re bringing a friend, go ahead and mention that you’ll be coauthoring the piece…;)

~The Movie Reviewer. Studios often sponsor press screenings of upcoming films
(not to mention what are known as press junkets, where you get an all expenses
paid trip to meet the director and whatnot) for, you guessed it, members of the press.
Unfortunately, these screenings aren’t exactly advertised, nor can you get any easy
access to them, short of asking an insider who works at some local paper to pass
along the any notices of upcoming screenings. However, keeping in mind that the
studios typically farm out responsibilities for organizing the screenings to local
marketing firms, you could do a bit of research and find out which local media
relations companies handle these types of things, and then contact them to let
them know you represent a new mag, and would like to be added to their press list.

It’s a long shot, but what’ve you got to lose? What’s also fun, is if you want to
attend a film festival as a member of the press, you’ll need to get accredited so
the festival organizers know you’re legit (wink, wink). To do so, request what’s
called an accreditation form from the press/media relations liaison of the festival,
and fill it out to send/fax it back to them. You may also need a “letter of assignment”
from your editor (cough, cough), which states that you are indeed assigned to cover
the festival, as well as a passport photo for your spiffy festival pass. Once again,
what’ve you got to lose ;)?

~Free Public Screenings. If you don’t feel like going through all of the hassle
of posing as a real film critic, you can still luck into getting into a free public
screening of an upcoming film. Various sites list upcoming screenings.

If there’s an upcoming screening for a particular flick in your area,
you simply enter your address into the online form, and typically get your
advance ticket mailed to you, or given a time and address and told that
it’s on a ‘first-come, first-served’ basis.

~Movie Hopping. Who says you only have to stay for one movie? This simple classic
consists of going from one movie to another for the cost of one movie or less.

Print out a schedule of all the movie showtimes in advance, and spend the whole day
hopping from flick to flick at the theater. Bring an extra jacket and/or a hat to change
your appearance between showings, and spend any gaps between lack of crowds/showtimes
chilling in the bathroom…

~The Crowd Melt. When the theater is particularly full and there is a line of people
coming out of a showing and a line of people being admitted in, simply filter into the
outgoing line and walk in past the ticket taker who will hopefully be too distracted to
notice you. If questioned, you can try saying something about forgetting your jacket,
and if one of the employees accompanies you into the theater hall, and you obviously
don’t see the jacket, why, then you guess your friend must’ve taken it (that silly goose!),
and try your luck at another theater.

~The Complainer. While asking for a refund immediately after the movie is over will
probably get you nowhere without unnecessary dramatics on your part, you can nonetheless
write the manager of the theater a letter expounding upon your
disastrous movie-going experience.

Proceed to explain how your child became profoundly ill after consuming the
popcorn that you purchased at the theater, and you thus had to bring your movie
watching to an abrupt halt and leave the theater.
Go on to state how the clerks refused to give you a refund and this whole
ordeal has left you and your child feeling quite jaded with this particular
theater (though your kid did turn out to be OK…don’t say that you had to take
zir to the hospital or anything too outlandish). In a couple weeks you should get
an apology letter, complete with a couple special guest passes good for free
showings, and mayhap even some concession counter coupons.

~Discount Theaters. If even matinee prices at mainstream theaters seem too high
and student discounts are just too darn low, you can still enjoy flicks on the
big screen for as little as $1. What you’re looking for are discount theaters
often referred to as ‘second run’ theaters. They don’t show the latest or the
most ‘mainstream’ movies, but they certainly show the cheapest. Call up some of the
lesser known theaters in your area, and chances are you’ll find one or two of these
(increasingly archaic) second runners. Art house theaters also show (sometimes)
cheap avant-garde/indie productions. College campuses often have free/cheap
screenings as well.

Once again, these won’t be the latest flicks, but you might see a cult classic or
two on the big screen with a very small audience (often times in these sorts of
theaters you’ll be the only one there). Look up your local college’s film club on the
web to find a schedule of upcoming showings (check out Stop Paying for Shit! – The
College Edition for more college-oriented (but not exclusively for college students!)

~Free Popcorn and Drinks. Many theaters offer free refills for the largest
sized drinks/popcorn tubs. Walk into theater halls whose movies just ended,
and pick up a large cup/popcorn bucket that some ass (to whom you’re now
eternally grateful) didn’t feel like putting in the trash. Or, just go ahead
and root through a trashcan or two until you find one. Then just take it to
the concession counter and ask for a refill.

If the thought of eating from a used bucket/cup isn’t exactly aesthetically pleasing,
tear a hole in the bucket/cup and ask the clerk to get you a new bucket
while ze’s refilling it.

Comments/additional methods to include in future versions of
this compilation can go to xcon0 a\\t y//a\\h//o\\ d.ot com.